Myth No.6: We have Diamond

2005/03/24 Myth No.6: We have Diamond The second vision for the future of Syria is that "King Lion the 2nd", after finishing his fictitious struggle with some fictitious so called old guard factions in his party, will eventually grace us with freedom and reform and will sail the Syrian ship towards the high-sea of advancement.

Karfan thinks that this vision is so pathetic it makes him vomit. More pathetic are the deluded pathetic people who believe in it.

Most people know the French "King Louis the 16th" whose head was chopped like a potato by the angry mob. Karfan has this theory that when this king's ancestors started their dynasty, they actually had names: the first King Louis and the second King Francois the third King Charles or something. After a while though, people noticed that there are no differences between those kings and stopped bothering giving them different names. They just gave them the name Louis and numbered them: King Louis the 3rd, the 4th and so on.

Now many people here in Syria and outside are chewing what the French people had spat; they are actually giving our kings names in hope that they are going to be different from one another. Karfan is smarter than everybody, he labeled our eternal Leader as "King Lion the 1st" way back when he was still secretly training his "Baby Lion the 1st" to take his place. In fact, karfan never called a single despot in what is so called Arab countries by their names. He figured out early that they are all the beginning of dynasties: "NeoPharon the 1st" of Egypt, "King Jerk the 1st" of Libya etc. In Syria, "Baby Lion the 1st" never made it though; he was murdered by careless Mercedes engineers who could not design a car that can turn a curve with a speed of 300Km/h. But since our Lord had ample reserve of cubs, he started preparing "Baby Lion the 2nd" who became our lord "King Lion the 2nd". Recently, postures have been circulated of one of this new King's babies who did not reach his ten years old with the word "The Hope" on it. That is the future "King Lion the 3rd". Our present leader himself didn't even bother giving his baby a different name, he named him after his father, the eternal Leader.

Among his many titles, such as the leader, the, liberator, the doctor etc, "King Lion the 2nd" has this reputation that makes Karfan go crazy every time it is said in front of him: Western Educated!! Our lord keeps telling foreign newspapers that he can not do the promised reforms because the people here are basically dump and stupid he cannot find enough similar "western educated" snobs to carry out his vision. Karfan did not believe his eyes when he read one interview in which this snob of a king told the reporter that the people in Syria are corrupt and incapable. To have some crushed stupid citizen like Karfan vilifying his fellow crushed citizens is one thing, but to have our "ELECTED" (that was he said) leader vilify us is outrageous. Karfan swears at everybody, but he has the right to rant because he refuses to immigrate (nor outside, nor back to the village that his father came from) in hope that something might change eventually even when he is seventy years old. But if our leader thinks we are stupid, then why doesn't he go the hell back to the west that he was "educated" by?

Everybody here knows the period that "Baby Lion the 2nd" spent in the West is less than two years, some 22 months or so. Karfan spent more than tow years trying to understand one book from that western education written by Nietzsche. So karfan, although self-admitting his limited mental capabilities, is wondering how is it possible for one person to spend 22 months in the west and be full-roundly "Western Educated", especially when that person had been living here under the direct Lion-ism Educational Instructions and Teachings of his father for the other 32 years of his life. Obviously, our leader went there and learned, in addition to his medical education, all about western philosophy, election systems, democratic processes, industrial promotion, administration systems, secular governing, financial management, and spaceship building, all in 22months. But the only reason he cannot carry out his plans to make Syria beat Sweden with advancement is the stupid dump people around him here who could not have a similar "western education". Yeih?

One relative of karfan's friend was an officer under "Baby Lion the 2nd" back in the days when he was ruling over one regiment of what his father made into El-Harass El-Alawie (Republican Guard made into 100% deluded Alawie poor villagers). This guy said that most soldiers and officers disliked him and were all yearning for the days of his brother "Baby Lion the 1st". "Baby Lion the 1st" was actually never popular among normal people such as "baby Lion the 2nd", but Karfan figured out that if someone can not win the respect of his own direct subordinates, then he is not worthy of Karfan's interest altogether, even though many people are fooled with him being a computer-geek and all.

Another word that kills Karfan when he listens to is "Khitab El-Kassam" (Inauguration Speech). This word became a new vocabulary by itself together with other newly invented meaningless vocabularies such as Islah Wa Tatweer (Reform and Development) etc. Karfan, until this very moment, has never heard or read or know a single word of what "King Lion the 2nd" said in that speech. But what kills Karfan the most is stupid people who are referring to that speech like it was a Testament from heaven and building their dreams and hopes around it. Obviously, they have never known the Diamond story.

Back during the gloomy years of the second half of the eighties, our Eternal Leader "King Lion the 1st" made a speech in which he said that Syria has discovered diamond mines in the north-western area near Idleb city. He said literally that soon enough we might be even richer than our cousins the Saudis. Karfan, who was listening attentively to this great news, was full of joy and started jumping around like a monkey who found a big banana. (I also remember this speech, for those of you who don’t believe, you can get ample references in Syria to every single word our Eternal Leader has ever uttered in his life, since all his speeches are better documented than even the teaching of the prophet himself). Karfan and his fellow friends who listened to this speech started immediately planning their fancy homes and trips to Europe when they will become reach like the Saudis. But after that speech, there was not even a word about the diamond!! Every time someone asked, the government shooed them away with some excuse or another. Eventually it turned out to be a big LIE! Apparently, according to an engineer close to karfan, they suspected something when they were digging some hole there, and someone came up with the brilliant idea that this might be a diamond mine. Yet, our Eternal Leader never bothered to tell us the 99% uncertainty of this sorrowful event, and decided to just lie and let us live with dreams of fancy houses and trips to Europe. After giving up on waiting for the diamond, Karfan decided that he will never ever listen to a single speech by a King. He invented the Daloona Reciting Technique to space out whenever he was forced to hear a speech, or avoided it all together when he could.

Back to the French "King Louis the 16th". It took 16 King Louis for the usually-clever French people to realize that these kings will not get any different from one another. Karfan is wondering how many Kings it would take for the dumb-ass Syrians who still repeat Khitabb El-Kassam (the inauguration Speech) to reach the same conclusion, maybe till the King 28th?

Till then.. They can wait for the diamond.